事件记录
The following is a summarized version of the episode's transcript.
不及格的医学院
J: 如果你在医学院挂科了，最严重的事情就是你会立刻觉得自己不属于大发娱乐，或者自己不够好，感到很羞愧. And when it first happened to me, I, of course, did not share it with anyone. So what happened to me was I failed the final for the end of a unit, and because of that failure and because my overall grade in the course wasn't passing, 他们会自动把我送到一个委员会去评估我是否会继续在医学院学习.
所以那段时间对我来说真的很可怕, that interim between failing the test and that committee. And because of the nature of medical school, it was 正确的 into the next unit. 所以我试着处理这个非常困难的新单元，同时试图弄清楚这次失败的确切后果.
我认为, 作为医科学生, 大发娱乐的很多认同感都与大发娱乐取得的成就紧密联系在一起为了走到这一步，大发娱乐必须要有这样的成就，大发娱乐对自己的能力和理解医学的能力以及为病人大发娱乐提供护理的能力.
我决定不再继续我在医学院的课程，我需要重修这门课程. 由于这些课程的授课方式，我要到第二年才能重修这门课. It was about October, and I was basically told that I was done.
失败后怀疑自己
哈吉德: 在这个过程中, I'm pretty sure there was a moment where you questioned things, 就像, “这条路对我合适吗？?'
J: 对我来说，那真是一段阴郁的时光. So, 我刚上医学院的时候, 我还在攻读双学位课程, 因为我被停职了, 休学, that automatically triggered a review of me in that dual degree program. 审查拖了好几个月.
所以，在那段时间里，我觉得自己被困住了. I felt 就像 I couldn't move forward and try to pursue something else [...这对我来说在情感上真的很困难. 它提出了所有这些问题，我是否能够真正追求我的梦想.
哈吉德: So what did you do for that year when you were waiting to join the class? 我很确定那一定很困难.
J: I'd 就像 to say that I did a lot of things during that time, but I really didn't. I tried to maintain my sanity and engage in yoga, which I love. And I do have to say that the wellness program that we have here really supported me. 如果没有健康计划的支持，我想我不可能熬过这一切. 我每周都能去看心理医生，谈论发生的每件事，并真正地处理它. 所以我研究了. 我做瑜伽. 我等待着这个关于我未来的决定, 并最终, the decision was that I would not be continuing on in that dual degree program. And that was the point that really made me question continuing 在医学院.
最终驱使我继续从医的原因是我的困难发生在大发娱乐不从事医学实践的时候. 我知道我喜欢和病人交流, 所以我觉得我需要自己看看，这种焦虑是否会阻碍我成为一名称职的医生，或者这只是一个暂时的挫折，我真的可以做到.
在失败中相互支持
利恩: You're very vocal about your experiences and that's very brave, 我认为想要做到这一点需要付出很多努力。...你是怎么说的, 'I'm going to put this out there for those who also need something 就像 this'?
J: So I remember at the end of the first unit of first year, 我的班级实际上经历了很多人员流失. 大发娱乐失去了很多学生. 我记得回来的时候看到有人失踪了，我很想知道他们的下落, 但是和别人谈论这件事感觉很糟糕，因为这真的感觉像是在八卦, 这感觉 . . . it came from a place of concern, but it still didn't quite sit 正确的. 我精力充沛，乐于参与, 所以我知道人们会注意到我不在了, and I didn't want them to have that feeling of wondering what was going on. 一旦发生, 我在Facebook上发了一个帖子，告诉我原来的班级发生的一切, 我得到了很多爱和支持. And then over the course of that year when I was waiting, 事实上，有几个学生在经历类似的事情时向我寻求建议.
当我加入我的新班级, 你们, I didn't initially want to say it because I didn't want that to be my first impression. And I knew that I wanted to share it, but I didn't know exactly how. Right after we took the final for the unit that I hadn't passed in the prior year, 我在看直方图时注意到有一两个分数没有达到及格门槛，我说, “我需要讲述我的故事. I need to be able to help anyone who might be going through this.“因为当我第一次发现我正在接受审查，可能无法继续下去时，我最大的感受是，我是如此的孤独，而且这种情况没有发生在其他人身上。. And, 你知道, if it did happen to someone else, then they were just gone. 这就像是医学院的死刑判决.
哈吉德: 我觉得你能以你想要的方式讲述你的故事真是太好了，因为它是真实的，是诚实的, 正确的? 没有“这是我认为发生的事情”或“这是我认为可能发生的事情”的余地.' And 我认为 authenticity is what really shined through to all of us.
J: 医学院最棒的事情之一, 事实上，这是医学院最伟大的事情之一，也是最糟糕的事情之一, is that I have met the people that I have always wanted to meet in my life. I've made some of the most profound and important friendships of my life. I didn't want to feel 就像 I was hiding something from everybody, 因为这就像是一个潜台词，也许每个人都在想什么或者想知道什么, 也许每个人都会知道, 但肯定不是我直接说的. 所以这是一个禁忌话题，我想把这个禁忌去掉. I didn't want it to dictate my interactions with other people.
使围绕失败的对话正常化
利恩: 大发娱乐如何使这个话题正常化? [...大发娱乐怎样才能让它成为大发娱乐所有人都能交流的东西，让它暴露出来，能够解决和联系，让每个人都能安全感受到, 医学院很辛苦，这是可能发生的, 但大发娱乐有一个支持，这是大发娱乐所有人都能理解并揭露的事情。”? What would be some ideas or what do you think about normalizing the topic?
J: 好吧, I have to say that I love how much attention imposter syndrome has gotten, 尤其是最近, 因为这整个经历感觉就像, 'Oh, 我是一个真正的骗子.“就像综合症变成了现实, that I had been found out that I was inadequate and I couldn't do this. 所以我认为, 在医学院, 大发娱乐很容易陷入这样的陷阱，似乎真的很有能力，有点像拿起盾牌，表现得很强大. That desire to appear competent can really push the reality out of the light. 我希望我知道如何让它变得更好, 我想通过分享这就是我的希望, 是为了让人们能够分享他们挣扎过的、可能在某种程度上有所欠缺的时代.
从失败中恢复，继续前进
利恩: 所以大发娱乐带着梦想进入医学院, 你知道, 大发娱乐想要成为什么样的人, 然后奇怪的事情发生在大发娱乐身上大发娱乐开始思考这个系统. 大发娱乐想到的是数字. 大发娱乐考虑一下直方图. 大发娱乐想到了班级排名. 从某种程度上说，它几乎可以让大发娱乐感到愉悦. 但我认为你的故事最强大的地方在于你依靠的是你的梦想. 你纠结于数字，纠结于直方图，甚至委员会也会问你问题. But what you fell back on was, 'My dreams are stronger than this. 我的梦想比我在直方图上的位置更强大.“我认为这与一个只考虑数字，然后去见病人的人是非常不同的。, 因为病人不理解这些事情. 病人不认识数字. 病人不知道班级排名. 病人 want to know that they have someone who they can connect with, 一个脚踏实地的人, and someone whose dreams pushes them to be a better person to care about their care.
哈吉德: 这需要很大的勇气, 但这也是你的智慧，当你已经在一个如此孤独的地方时，你还能理解, 如此之低. 这是事实. It's 如此之低 because that's kind of 就像 the stereotype around it.
利恩: 这是一个典型的谷底，对吧? 但这不是你的本意. 你把自己逼出来了，你做到了, 你知道, grab hands as you went up and pulled other people with you up there.
J: 对我来说，谷底意味着你必须以跌倒的方式爬上去. 我真的试图找到一条新的出路，而不是回到原来的样子, 这不是我想做的. I wanted to come out of this someplace that was different. [..我修改了保罗·查尔斯的话, 你们有些人可能对它很熟悉, “如果你不能爱自己, 你到底要怎么去爱别人?' And I have sort of changed that for myself: 'If you're not taking care of yourself, how in the hell are you going to take care of somebody else?'
我认为 I said it to myself a lot more during that first year and bit. And through all of this, I've really started to believe it. Because espousing it is one thing, but really internalizing it is another. I would say that through this I have learned a lot more compassion for myself. 我认为, as med students, we're all kind of hard on ourselves. 大发娱乐要求自己，期望做到最好. Since all of this has happened, I am more willing to let things go. Instead of lying in bed at night mulling over some dorky thing that I said, 我可以再放轻松一点.
I've also learned a lot more compassion for other people, 我认为这真的转化为对病人的护理. 我认为 I have been very fortunate in the life that I've lived. I have a lot of privilege and I hadn't ever really messed up 就像 that before. And so seeing how that mistake had such a domino effect on everything else in my life, 这让我更了解病人，当他们来的时候，他们的生活一团糟，他们可以回顾一个关键的时刻，在那里，只有部分或甚至不在他们控制范围内的事情深深地影响了他们. 所以我认为它给了我更多的视角，它给了我更好的同理心的能力.