Episode Transcript
Lying is a difficult challenge. 说实话，作为一名家长，我的孩子也会撒谎，因为这是一项发展任务. For example, 我有一个10岁的孩子，他是那种会看着你的脸告诉你他没有做过的人. 所以就我个人而言，作为一个家长，没有什么比孩子撒谎更让我沮丧的了. 因为这是一个发展问题，所有的孩子都会经历这个阶段. In fact, I have a 10-year-old who honestly is a really, pretty good liar, 这是大发娱乐必须在家里解决的问题. 所以我想和你们谈谈如何理解孩子说谎，以及该怎么做.
Recognizing the Purpose of Lying in Younger Children
So one of the things that I'd like people to consider today is that lying is actually a developmental task; it's a psychological construct, 这取决于孩子的认知发展水平, their awareness of things, for example, fantasy and reality.
一个五、六岁的撒谎者正在与真实和虚幻的概念作斗争. Often times as a parent, if you're watching a show, 一个五六岁的孩子会对你说, "Now, could that really happen?" Whatever fantasy is happening in the movie, 作为父母，你会发现自己不得不告诉他们什么是真实的，什么是虚假的. 你知道，超人真的能飞吗，或者这只是电影的一个有趣的部分? 16岁的孩子应该完全掌握幻想与现实的区别. They may still really enjoy fantasy, 但他们知道哈利波特的世界就是这样, it's a fantasy world.
所以说谎是一个有趣的概念，因为所有的人，甚至从很小的时候, we're preprogrammed to get our needs met. 小孩子也有需求，玩，吃，和朋友在一起，被娱乐. 无论他们的需求是什么，他们都会希望得到满足，包括避免惩罚. A child does not want to be in trouble, or they do want to have a cookie, or whatever it happens to be, and so one of the things that parents ought to consider is lying; when I hear it coming from a preschool or an early elementary school-aged child, 我需要考虑到这和我的初中生或高中生的机制是非常不同的.
Encourage Truthfulness and Honest Behavior
For example, 如果一个五六岁的孩子开始撒谎, you might want to ask yourself, what's their purpose here? What need are they trying to meet, 有没有别的方法可以教和训练他们来满足这种需求? 例如，对孩子的一个简单技巧就是让他们重新来过.
所以我经常告诉父母，如果你有一个五六岁的孩子, 一个学龄前或小学早期的孩子他们可能会对你撒谎, they didn't spill the milk, or whatever it happens to be. 这是一个很好的时机，而不是因为他们撒谎而责备他们, 因为大发娱乐不希望他们在这么小的时候就对自己形成这样的观念, you might jump in and say, you know, “这似乎不是全部故事，也不是全部真相. Let's try again. I'd really like to give you a do-over, and in fact, I'm going to turn around and turn back, 我希望你能尽你最大的努力告诉我整个故事, the full truth."
Now oftentimes, at that age, part of their desire is to really please mom and dad, 如果他们知道你是为了取悦他们而陷害他们, 他们通常会按照程序或者重来一遍.
Then you're in an easy position. You can kind of coach them along, make sure they tell the whole story, and then you can just praise them for that. “我知道告诉我你打碎了这个或洒了那个真的很难, but I'm really proud of you for doing it. Now, let's talk about how we fix that problem.“学会清理和收拾是有后果的, and that's all often that has to happen.
避免撒谎：直截了当的交流
另一件父母可能需要注意的事情是，大发娱乐经常让孩子失败或撒谎, and we don't realize that we're doing it. So for example, as a parent, 如果你知道你的孩子弄坏了什么东西, 你可不想一开始就让他们撒谎, by saying, "Hey, what happened here with this? Tell me, do you know who broke this?"
因为如果他们还在幻想和现实之间挣扎, in their little minds they're thinking, "Oh, 好吧，我当然不想成为那个打破它的人，因为我知道这是怎么回事. So I'm going to create a lie that changes my reality. No, I don't know who did this. It was probably the neighbor kid.“孩子们都很可爱，可能是狗干的. 谁知道呢，因为他们正在创造一个他们不会惹麻烦的平行世界.
作为家长，我认为你应该直截了当. 你必须对他们说：“我知道发生了什么. Let's talk about what happened.然后，你可以称赞他们的诚实，并与你进行诚实的交谈, but you don't let them out of the consequence either. But by doing that, 你有这种平衡的方法，你在训练你的孩子，让他们在说真话时得到加强.
The Importance of Parental Behavior
Another simple one is modeling. 所以很多父母对他们的孩子歪曲事实或撒谎感到非常不安, and yet we model the very same thing to them. I would consider that in kind of social, white lie. For example, if somebody calls that mom doesn't want to talk to, and mom says to the child, "Tell them I'm not home." You've modeled lying for your own convenience. Now, how else would you handle that? There might be different ways. You might say, “请告诉那个人我现在不在，我可以再打给他们.“这将是教孩子撒谎的另一种选择, and that's confusing to the younger children. But the main thing, whether they're a teenager or a younger child, 即使他们第一次搞砸了，也要加强他们的诚实行为吗. 下节课大发娱乐将讨论青少年发展和说谎以及父母对此能做些什么.
updated: June 8, 2023
originally published: September 23, 2013